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The guilt, however great, never stopped me from fantasizing. If I was going to turn over a new leaf, and try to be open and truly honest with my potential partners, I needed to acknowledge this part of me. Let it out, and learn how to engage it.Suddenly I realized what was so terrifying about being myself. I was petrified about letting the dominant part of me out. What if they thought I was sick. What if they laughed. Worst of all, what if I hurt somebody? Jesus. That would destroy me.But I was stuck on the horns of a dilemma. I couldn't go back to how I was, that way led nowhere, so I could only go forward, but I didn't know how to make a first step.I was contemplating that when Anna called. I hadn't realized it'd gotten so late. I hadn't eaten anything or moved from the table where Jenny sat down hours ago. Anna's suggestion of take out and movies sounded perfect. It'd been too long since we hung out, as she'd been spending a lot time with her boyfriend Robert, although, I think I. Coming back up out of the water she laughed and told Jerry that now he had nothing to hide. That seemed to do the trick, because he laughed with her and then tossed his swimsuit over with ours. After swimming around and talking about the house and how well Jerry kept the place clean. Ginger suggested an old fashioned game of Marco Polo with the only rule is that you can’t get out of the pool. Before anyone could answer, she closed her eyes and called Marco, to which we both replied Polo. Jerry and I went in different directions and I knew Ginger would do her best to home in on him, which she did. Jerry didn’t realize that she was slowly backing him into a corner and when he did realize, it was too late. He tried to swim past her, but she managed to reach out and tag him on his butt. Now it was his turn and I was certain that Ginger would accidentally on purpose allow Jerry to tag her. He began calling and we answered. It wasn’t long until she let Jerry get a little closer.
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